Love Hurts
by Sushi Giello
Summary: Rei and Shiro had been a major thing... until he died. Now she is alone and looking for a way out. But then something shocking happens that turns her whole image upside down. Will she ever be the same?


**Chapter I**

"_Well why do you care anyways?"_

"_I care because I love you…"_

"_WHY? Can't you see that I'm an ass? Don't you know I can never love you back? I have no soul for crying out loud!"_

_The slight girl shakes her head. "Shiro, I could never stop loving you, no matter how hard I tried."_

"_Tch… so stubborn…" He shook his head._

_She smiled, leaning in to kiss the smirk right off his lips…_

Awakening with a start, Rei sat up, gasping; her deep purple eyes wide with shock, her cheeks flushed red. As she looked around her room, seeing nothing, she closed her eyes, rubbing the cold sweat off her forehead. "Damn dreams…" Brushing the thick knee length black hair off her pale shoulders, she shivered. She pushed off the too-hot covers, laying back down, sighing.

_And here I thought I was over him…_

She sat up again, knowing she'd never fall back asleep after another one of her dreams. Even after his death a month ago she still wanted him, the hole in her stomach not visible like his had been, but hurting a lot more she'd bet. She stood, looking over herself in the mirror. Her t-shirt had gotten rumpled up, and as she smoothed it, she stared at the small thin cuts all over her arms.

She hadn't meant to, though it was true that dating Shiro had been the only thing keeping her happy enough to stop before. Now that he was gone, the pain was overwhelming. She glanced at the small glinting knife on her bedstand, picking it up with vigor, closing her eyes as she drew it across her wrist, cutting through several older marks that were beginning to scab over, shivering with relief as the blood beaded to the surface of her skin.

_Shiro, Shiro, Shiro…_

He was her mantra now, her reason, as the pain was brought from her heart and mind to the real world, bringing everything into focus. "I miss you…" The tears ran down her pale cheeks slowly as she sighed heavily, pulling off her pajamas and putting on black skinny jeans and a tight purple ACDC tee.

As she headed to the bathroom and started wiping the blood off, cleaning her knife, she thought more.

Shirosaki Ichigaki was the most obnoxious and selfish person she had ever met. But after getting to know him, seeing his past, feeling his white fire, she softened. The white hollow had always had such closed, hard yellow eyes, but when he let her in, they eased, let her see the real him. She had never second-guessed that he had a soul, with the way he cared for his friends he must have. He had been bonded to Arya Kokoro, another friend, her Zampakuto in battle. Arya was a soul reaper, and a damn good one.

This is also why when Arya was forced by her evil father Aizen to kill another lieutenant in the soul society, Shiro was punished…

With death.

Arya had also been punished, her ability to talk removed.

Rei had been furious, blamed Arya, tried to kill her several times in a blind rage. Arya had been unable to explain or protest until Drake, a dragon friend, had unlocked her tongue, allowing her to speak, defend herself.

_Not that it makes a difference. She deserved to die herself…_

Biting her lip hard, resisting tears that wouldn't help at all, she exited the bathroom, returning to her bedroom, pulling off her pajamas and putting on clean black skinny jeans and a wrinkled tank top, going heavy on the black eyeliner. As she picked up her heavy black biker boots, she fondly ran a finger down the small scuff on the back right sole. The blood was long gone from when she had kicked him in the jaw, having panicked when she awoke to him bent over her. Slowly she slid back into her memories…

"…_hey… Hey are you alive in there? Yoo-hoo, girlie…."_

"…_.nnnn….."_

"_HEY it lives!" he chuckles._

_She screams in surprise, rolling and kicking, catching him in the jaw with her foot, crunching the bone as she crawls away quickly on the ground. He groans in pain, reaching out to grab her ankle and pull her back. _

"_OI! Where the hell do you think you're going?"_

_She screams again, and then pales. "S-Shiro?"_

_He grunts, pulling his jaw and setting the bone, wincing as it heals quickly. "Yeah? Damn girlie, you got some kick there…" He shakes his head and chuckles._

"_What are you doing hanging over me like that then? You gave me a heart attack!"_

"_Well fine, if you don't want me here, tch, not that I care. Just wondering what the fuck you were doing laying on the ground all alone for…" He stands, starting to walk away._

"_N-no, Shiro that's not what I meant! ...please, stay…" _

_He stops, chuckling more and turning to wink at her with his yellow eyes, burning with something hidden beneath the surface._

"_I ain't going anywhere girlie"_

_She couldn't do anything but blush as he came back over to sit next to her, smirking._

"_What are you doing sleeping on the ground anyways?"_

"…_.. None of your business…"_

_He sighs, pulling her into a hug, ruffling her hair._

"_Yeah, well make it my business. I want to know, come on girlie, just tell me."_

_She blushes more, turning crimson, closing her eyes and laying her head on his strong shoulder…_

Screaming in pain, Rei pushed the memories from her mind, crying, hugging her knees.  
>"It's not real, he's gone…" Sniffling, she forced herself up, picking up her knife, putting it in her pocket, grabbing her bag and heading outside.<p>

Walking through the forest slowly, she paused, her hair turning white, her skin going black. Fiery tattoos grew on her arms as she blinked, her purple eyes flashing red as black flaming wings speared on her back, not burning her at all. Pursing her lips, she launched into the air, flying high over the trees, diving down to weave quickly in between them, making no noise as small scratches appear where the branches whip her.

Going faster and faster, she bursts out of the trees, flying high up into the air before landing again outside the safe house with a heavy sigh, tears streaking down her face. As she absorbed the transformation back inside of herself, she slowly entered the house again.

"It's just not enough today... I need to go swimming." It was her form of self-torture. Shiro had taught her how to swim and it a painful yet enjoyed reminder. She reveled in the memories of his hands gently guiding her sides, holding her weight as she slowly treaded water. Swimming alongside her, promising nothing would go wrong. Waking up to his lips on hers, performing CPR, and then a little more until he would pull away. He always pulled away…

Arya had said he was terrified of hurting her, and with justified reason. He had drunken her blood on more than one occasion, and if he ever lost control of his inner hollow, or was controlled by Aizen, she could be in a lot of danger. Not that she cared at all, as long as she was with him.

It was difficult to be close however, since he was always wary of himself, always holding back, never relaxing. It was like he was the bomb and she was a lit match, inches from sparking a disaster.

Dancing with danger was nothing new to her though, and she would have risked anything for him, for her Shiro. He had been the closest thing she ever knew, other than her mother. But that didn't really count, seeing as her mother was constantly experimenting on her and trying to control her every thought. Shiro had understood, he had always been there to support her and dust her off after a particularly bad day.

_But he's gone now, so I am all alone again… no one really cares for me, cares about me. I don't ever want anyone else either… I just want Shiro back…_

Growling with frustration at her own weakness, she turned and punched the window, the glass shattering into a thousand glittering shards, falling down like a diamond rain. As multiple cuts opened up on her skin, she grimaced, closing her eyes to the pain, clenching her fist, making the blood stem to surface of her skin faster.

Walking back inside, she pulled off her clothes, grabbing her black swimsuit and sliding it on quickly, avoiding another flashback.


End file.
